I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
