You're a womanizer and a bitch.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
