she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
So vagazzling was a success
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
