Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
