I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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