I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
