I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
