put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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