I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
