grandma shit on top of the toilet
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
