Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
