Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
The convent might be a nice break from real life
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
