I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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