Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I have so many feelings about this burrito
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
