I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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