i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
