Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
