i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
home. puking in laundry basket.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Randomize
