i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
