remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
