Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize