fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
