The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
