He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
