I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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