Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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