The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
