I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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