I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
