Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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