Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
