I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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