i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
