Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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