Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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