I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
There r osticjed everywhere
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
