I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Let's get the cat blown out
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
