I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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