he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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