I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize