i need an iv and a liver transplant
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
