party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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