Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
