what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
