I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
