She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
You know, be my cock's hype man.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
