so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
