Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
