Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
