I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
