so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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