i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
