I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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