Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
