Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Randomize
