remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
