you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
