Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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