I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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