please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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