drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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