whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
