You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
