i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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