Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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