I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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