Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
