I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
