a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You need Xanax blowdarts
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
