Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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