Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize