first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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