I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
