I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
