I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
