I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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