i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
