dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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