He asked me if I "almost moaned"
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
how does that bad decision feel?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
