i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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