I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize