She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
