dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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