after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
