Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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