She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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