omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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