her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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