I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize