I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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